Faith vs. Fear

Jesus told the disciples as he calmed the storm and they were in the boat afraid about what would happen, "O, you of little faith." They doubted his power to take on the storm, his presence with them, and trusting in who He really is. It took watching him physically calm and verbally tell the storm, "Be still."

If I am truly honest with myself, I find myself often in the same boat with these disciples. I forget who is really beside me. I forget who lives in me and is for me and is not against me, unlike the prince of this outer world. If I am really honest, I live in a state of fear because of some traumatic things I faced growing up at a young age over a long period of time into high school. The effects of all that went down in our family, is one that is not so easy to always face.

Its so much easier to numb the emotions from the past experiences of it and how it effects me now. Its easier to play the quiet game and to mask what really happend, to pretend our lives were normal and okay, when the truth is they were not normal times growing up and it was clearly not okay. It was a powerless and vunerable time as a child enduring the things that evoked and sadly instilled fear. But as an adult I know life does not have to be nor stay the way it did then. It takes some level of faith in Christ to believe that life can be different than the years spent this way, far different than the dysfunction of all I saw and felt.

It also takes faith, a mustard seed of faith God says, to connect to the pains of the past and really feel the pain in order to be healed of it, in order to be restored by God from it, in order to know His true peace, true joy, and true love...in order to really appreciate and understand the Gospel message of why God came. That is faith. And it takes walking through it with God in God's strength in order to overcome the fear that enslaves. So I am learning. God is stronger.

Words of Affirmation

There is a lie that children are taught sometimes that says, "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Nothing could be further from the truth. The very words we heard from the time we were small up to now, be it good or not so good to our ears, are things that do have a tendency to stay with us etched in our minds. There is nothing more loving and encouraging than hearing words of love and encouragement, words that affirm me, words that affirm you. Not words that reject you, negate you, or knock you down. Words that are full of grace and truth, words that edify, words that point me up not down. Words that are honest and not confusing. Words that are clear and direct. Words that affirm me, words that affirm you, that mutually...this is love.

True Love

"Love your neighbor, as yourself." I am having to relearn ways that are not normal to me or at least what I was used to learning growing up in my understanding of what true love means. I am learning to re-program my heart, re-program my mind about what true love really means and how to truly love. Loving my neighbor well can only be done if I am truly loving myself well, which is a whole new paradigm to me. God says in His Word, "My ways are not your ways." This is definitely not my normal way of thinking and doing life. It is a new way to me that God is re-teaching me to do. I am definitely in the process of learning how this works. Its not easy. I often think of the lyrics by Foreigner called, "I Wanna Know What Love Is." Powerful honesty there. I also think of the lyrics by Alanis Morisette called, "That I Would Be Good." Unconditionally loved and accepted with no strings attached. No human personal effort can earn such love from God. And if someone is truly your sister or brother, they will love you even when you struggle. Can you still love yourself when you see yourself struggling?